Sleep is not being had.

Late at night I start to think about things and I can't stop because it's going at full force. Late at night I think about the weirdest things, things that make me really sad. For several months now, I think about my grandfather late at night. (That sounds creepy, but bear with me here). He's going on 85 , and every time I say goodnight to him, I have secret anxiety attacks that he won't wake up and it scares me half to death. Because of this, sometimes I try not to say goodnight to him so that I don't have to deal with these thoughts. Sometimes I can't fall asleep right away because of it. He likes to talk to me at night, and he says these sweet things to me which automatically erase the bad verbal abuse that he's done to me over the years. It's like during the day he could drive me crazy, but he can also be the sweetest old man. Especially at night. I feel bad that he doesn't have his wife next to him, laying there in his bed with him anymore, and maybe he gets sad at night, which makes me sad. I'm not sure what it is. I'm starting to really see his age because of his illnesses the past few weeks. He has been having horrible neck pain for the past 3 weeks for what we believe is a past war injury. It has hurt him before, but not for this long of a time. We're concerned because for 2 weeks he couldn't even drive. Also, since he already is only living with one kidney, we are keeping watch on the other one which has had a history of not working properly. Turns out, his numbers are extremely high, and if it continues he might need dialysis. Of course, I would give my kidney to him in a minute if he needed it.

There's a good chance I need therapy or something for this. It really worries me and makes me ill. I don't want to become like my mom; constantly worrying about everything all the time, but this is really different and I'm scared.